Illegal Love

There are those who believe that my wife and I are living in sin. What’s worse is that the State of Michigan in essence sanctions that belief by declaring our marriage illegal. No, we were not married out of the country or even in another state. We were married by an ordained UCC minister in-good-standing in our county of residence in Michigan. Yes, we were one of 300 couples who married on March 22, 2014, following the ban on same-sex marriage being struck down by a federal judge. Michigan’s Attorney General quickly put a stay on that decision, prohibiting further such marriages and rendering our marriage illegal. We have been in legal limbo ever since. If that’s not bad enough, with sodomy laws still on the books in Michigan, technically my wife and I could be prosecuted for our relationship.

This is not about sexual preference or desire. Let’s face it - menopause has all but snuffed out the flames of passion. This is about pure unadulterated love, mutual respect, devotion and commitment between two people – until death do us part. This is about equality in marriage, so that we can enjoy the same security and financial benefits as that of heterosexual marriage. I know those benefits. You see, I married a wonderful man years ago.

As a heterosexual couple, no one questioned our marriage. My husband and I took for granted the privileges of marriage … shared health benefits, joint ownership of vehicles and property, joint tax returns and so much more. Unfortunately, our marriage was a mistake. Though I knew from a very early age that I was different, I did my best to suppress my authentic self to fit the norms of society, even in marriage. It has taken me years to acknowledge and live up to the fact that I am not cut from a heterosexual cloth. Because of that my marriage to him was destined for failure from the start. It nearly destroyed both of us. Fortunately, our divorce freed both of us to discover suitable loving relationships – he with his wife and me with mine.

I cannot help the fact that I fell in love with my best friend. She just happens to be a woman. We were over-joyed to finally marry last March. Our marriage license is framed and proudly displayed in our home. But it is an empty document. Until the State of Michigan recognizes it as legally binding, it means nothing. It means that we cannot share health benefits. My employer will not permit her addition to the policy as my spouse. We would have to purchase the coverage at an exorbitant price that is cost prohibitive. I cannot add her name to the title of my car, unless she pays sales tax on the value of the vehicle. My auto insurance company would not provide a multicar discount because both of our names are not on the titles for each of our cars – a catch 22. Furthermore, we cannot file joint tax returns and enjoy the lower tax rates for married couples. If one of us dies, ownership of property, vehicles and bank accounts would not automatically be retained or transfer to the surviving spouse. Taxes would likely be due, as though the survivor purchased those assets. I could go on and on. Suffice it to say that none of this would be required, if our marriage was legal. This is discrimination, pure and simple. 

This discrimination is wrong and unjust. Another federal judge agrees. Just last week he declared that the 300 same-sex marriages from 2014 must be legally recognized and upheld by the State of Michigan. A stay has been issued to allow the State to refute his decision. How long will these injustices persist? 

 Yet, I am a woman of faith and therefore of hope. I believe in a loving, benevolent and just God (yes, even before my seminary education). And from my faith I have a dream that one day all of God’s people will live in peace, harmony and EQUALITY. May it be so. Amen.